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It's everything I want to tell people when they make small talk and profound talk, but I often can't. Sickness, sex, and the process of dealing with aging parents feel unspeakable and sometimes unreachable, but they sure aren't here.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

6:39 a.m.

old car Originally uploaded by lightpainter.

At 6:39 this morning, I was already walking to the garage, keys in hand and jangling along the creek, and thinking about the oddness of driving while steak knives settled around my knee. Everything in the dark felt like it was waiting. Trees and rain moved like thirteen year old girls at their first dance, furtive and giddy. The cruelty of daylight and malfunctioning, autoimmune joints seemed ages away. Even with my knee slightly billowing, I could taste dew and not think about the imminent physical therapy routine that involves tying weights to my ankles. I walked with a consciousness of my legs and feet that only pain, slippery joints, and slipperier paths can bring. The rheumatoid arthritis component of lupus, in combination with a fibromyalgia flare, woke earlier with a bang. The only way to keep mobility and unfurl the knots is to work through pain. No one ever promised me that embodiment would be as easy as waiting for dawn. Miss Confuckinggeniality knows better than that. This is not a post about expectations. Once it is over, I drive home to play with food and hope that it stays put. I consider showering for a 9 a.m. meeting but realize I won't be able to move quickly enough to make it. Clock-bound I am not. The sweat and dew from 6:39 a.m. will simply have to stay glued on me, patient and encompassing.

Photo credit: "old car" by lightpainter (David Ramage) on flickr (click on photo to see more work by that artist). See his work and sale items at here and his thoughts on his photography and process at Ramaged. Permission obtained for use.


Anonymous Bitch | Lab said...

Oh wow! that photo is great as are all the others. I have something like 60 different header images for the blog. must. make. more. must write photographer for permission soon!

Adding this to my blogroll, too.

1/05/2006 01:04:00 PM  
Anonymous j.a.hawkins said...

So that's what the wrap was for. And here's a form that offers the choice of "other". Very avant-garde- perhaps "other" will appear someday on a driver's license.
Thank you for your help at 9:17 a.m. Jeff

1/06/2006 05:43:00 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

Jeff, hopefully I didn't stink, and you're welcome.

1/06/2006 06:07:00 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

Bitch | Lab, I have a huge heart-on for flickr, where the photos have a "Blog This" option; that option, for me, has become an art form of making the visual match the narrative and energy of the post.

On your site, I kept hitting refresh to see the pics in your header, lol!

My next task: to attempt to add your blog to my blogroll here as well. I selected a template that unfortunately did not have a blogroll plugged in, so I must attempt the delicate operation of employing HTML code. I never though I would engage in such techie speak. ;)

1/06/2006 11:17:00 AM  
Anonymous S8e said...

Glad to be a corrupting influence yet again *weg*

1/10/2006 01:28:00 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

Didja see? Didja see? New linkypoos and no breaky the blog. Thank you, as always, for showing me the way.

1/10/2006 06:33:00 AM  

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