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It's everything I want to tell people when they make small talk and profound talk, but I often can't. Sickness, sex, and the process of dealing with aging parents feel unspeakable and sometimes unreachable, but they sure aren't here.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Beyond Spinsterhood

wedding in heaven Originally uploaded by camil tulcan.

I *have* thought about marriage in various forms. I'm opposed to the hype and ceremony. I'm not opposed to the idea of commitment within in certain boundaries, but I'm not sure I want the legalities nor the history of this institution. I don't want to be a bride for the same reason I don't want to be a cheerleader or a pageant schmuck or the head of the welcoming committee or a sorority sister. It's a brand of femaleness that leaves me squicked. Do I sound like Miss Confuckinggeniality to you?

Photo credit: "wedding in heaven" by Camil Tulcan on flickr (click on photo for more of this artist's work). Permission for use.


Blogger Maria said...

What are you saying about cheerleaders?

12/14/2005 01:51:00 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

In high school, they were the girls who were cheering on the boys, and that seemed to be held up as a type of ideal in pop culture and youth culture. I had the same reaction, but stronger, when I got to college and was stunned at the way the sorority sisters were "Little Sisters" playing to the frat boys' events. I saw the same dynamic, and it wasn't reassuring. Perky, feminine in a youthful, unthreatening way, and pro-organization: I was none of these things, and the implications about the arrangement of power made me feel uneasy. I couldn't relate, and I wasn't one of "the girls." I thought of the way these institutions were organized, the way they reproduced a certain type of femininity, and then I thought about Adrienne Rich's analysis of compulsory heterosexuality. It wasn't reassuring.

12/14/2005 10:38:00 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Btw, I should have gotten an email to alert me to your comment sooner, but nothing showed up in my inbox, which tells me I have more configurin' to do.

12/14/2005 10:39:00 PM  

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