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It's everything I want to tell people when they make small talk and profound talk, but I often can't. Sickness, sex, and the process of dealing with aging parents feel unspeakable and sometimes unreachable, but they sure aren't here.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The Basics Made Gross, Take One

Nacho Cheese Originally uploaded by ryanmecum00.

Food has been a problem ever since years of taking medicine culminated after a particularly nasty doctor-approved experiment with compounded, powerful DHEA pills: I barfed blood in the ER.

I never thought I would see anything like it. This is a disgusting tale for another time, a tale that proves again to me that I never do what I believe I will do when the body is clearly being destructed. But that's another meditation. There are consequences from barfing a lot, barfing to the point of bleeding. That means I have to choose to live differently around these consequences, or I can choose to continue to make things worse. Nope, I'm not bulimic. Instead, diseases and medications are triggering lots of things in my body, and the result is Barfomatic Jen. After the blood incident mentioned above and a related visit for some days and nights on the rehab floor of the local hospital, a bunch of doctors worked with me on a diet that embodies what I call hostage chic. It's part iron-clad law and a good bit of hit-and-barf attempts with food. I just finished my bowl of white rice for breakfast with a little salt and nothing else. That's fine by me - nothing tastes as good as the absence of pain and an IV in my hand. I had to learn how to cook and shop for my food needs. Restaurants are really quite the nightmare because so many fats, spices, and oils are used, all of which are big no-no's. That makes a good bit of socializing awkward, to say the least. Food has become like medicine, and since I don't share pill-popping or syringe-filling with others, I now don't like sharing food with others. Since the pleasure aspect of it is largely gone (no more chocolate and sticky cinnamon buns), it is utilitarian, not fun.

Photo credit: "Nacho cheese" by ryanmecum00 on flickr (click on photo for more of this artist's work).

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