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It's everything I want to tell people when they make small talk and profound talk, but I often can't. Sickness, sex, and the process of dealing with aging parents feel unspeakable and sometimes unreachable, but they sure aren't here.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The bad date

As if all the barf talk hasn't already alerted you, relationships are not easy for me, but they were not easy far before my body became a bomb site for my own white cells. The title of this post, by the way, is the title of the picture to the right by bekon at flickr. I am an INTJ according to the Myers-Briggs inventory. The salient features of this personality are the need to be analytical, a bit detached, not trusting, an inherent skeptic, engrossed in a passion, and often alone to regain energy. None of these things make me a good date. When I saw my inventory profile, I could condense it into one word: SPINSTER! I was relieved. That cuts way down on any dating pressure. My tolerance is pretty low for many demands on my time or energy, even more so now that medical issues get first dibs on them. The idea of investing time to look better than I do and to act on my best behavior for a couple hours seems silly. I don't *like* doing booger checks or seeing if anything is compromising my smile. I have already attempted to battle Visible Panty Line and lost miserably. I don't want to think about someone grading me. Why would I want any of this when I can simply be with friends who just plain love me? The therapist who wrote _After the Affair_ claims that human courtship is the biggest, most concerted act of deception that we as a species regularly perform. Clearly that woman hasn't seen me trying to look like did all my reading in law school. I don't go out, really. I hate bars, though I went to an event at one back in July, '01. That was the last time. I don't drink, and I'm not a big fan of being around people who are drinking. Maybe if I were an alcoholic or desperate, I would feel differently. Last week, a new guy at the gym started to ask me out by being highly original: "Where do you go for entertainment?" "My tv." "No, like bars or clubs?" "Neither." "Are you a Christian?" "No. Not at all. And it's tricep day, so I gotta lift."

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